We are also building a collection of monologues on video. I had no idea what they could need to talk to us about, but we all sat on the couch anyway. I’m probably the prettiest woman on the whole planet. Gender: Any Ooooh, look what Santa got me! I guess I’ll just turn it in. When you hear it from them, it… it doesn’t matter as much. By: Zoe Marner, Ontario, Canada, Age 17 I’m jealous. Honestly, I don’t think you’re doing it for him; you’re doing it for yourself. This is how it actually went: (turns head from left to right) Yup, that’s right. It’s too dangerous. I’m going to be happy. Scientifically, lonely and sad people love rain due to the negative ions it releases, which bring feelings of comfort and happiness in the midst of the positive ions coming from most other things in the world. None of my friends do! We all exist from the moment we come into life that’s just how it is, it’s like a chore. Do you think that I could forget with people telling me every day? Great!… Deep breathe … After I calmed down, I thought, never mind, it will still be my story, I’ll just look a bit different. I’ve been wanting to tell you about all this pain and numbness that I feel will never go away. Oh, he is so dead! ‘Hmm,’ says Bob, ‘I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that.’ Apparently, the true story…that I came out of a milk carton in the local supermarket when Alan unscrewed the lid, wasn’t ‘exciting enough’, it didn’t scream ‘blockbuster’. C’mon man! Nothing’s happening. Gender: Any Maybe I’ll just watch some TV. Look at how friendly she is! Gender: Female I wonder what my future self will say to me one day. This was her idea of a “fun” assignment. I didn’t know all of the pressure that it would be. Do you ever think about how being alive, and actually living, are two completely different things? They lifted me onto a gurney and this woman kept trying to ask me questions, but everything was just a big chaotic blur. So yeah…. Collected Stories Marquez Gabriel Garcia. I can picture myself zooming through everything, surrounded by color and light…and I vow that I will one day go into space. I know what you’re thinking. By: Ellie K., Age 12, North Carolina, USA It makes no sense. It was me – I was the one who wasn’t ready. 35 pages! I’m sure of that. That doesn’t sound like angels. Maybe the app and the computer are working together. (pause) I think I’ve told you before about how my sister, Katherine and I would play pranks on each other. There. They wanted to go to a treehouse they had seen a couple of miles away from their house. Genre: Comedic What about now?…Dangit. Oh, don’t worry! By: Marwan Lahbabi, California, USA, Age 14 And sometimes you know you’re pretty, so it doesn’t matter. People pass monsters every day. (Picks herself up.) [Short stories. Yes, those were the days when saying the wrong thing to a neighbor or too loudly at night could be the end of you. And mom all of a sudden acted concerned and felt my forehead to see if I was sick. OH! Gender: Female She only got up to six hundred something, before she (looks for word) went. Okay I know this might sound crazy but just hear me out. Description: A young man reminisces about his friend Sadako, and the thousand paper cranes she folded during the Atomic age. Who’s up for pizza? Then I thought, maybe it was a sign, a sign that no one cares or that I’m not important enough, that I’m worthless, irrelevant. And if I would take those away, I wouldn’t be there for our masters and serve them well. Empty… The room was spinning and the pain from the bullet in my thigh was unbearable. She is talking to herself about all the things on her mind. That day, we had just gotten home from school and our parents were still at work. But this does not apply to me. And on top of that, the world is full of negativity, like poverty, famine, kidnapping, disease. Talk about awkward. Some days you think you look nice and no one says anything. I will be giving you your swords. I can’t even remember what it was over, but things got pretty heated. Genre: Dramatic, How do l feel about it? But if it doesn’t, I can add in some of the confidential ingredients. The pitcher throws the ball. Now, I believe I accidentally added some of the other substances that we had been mixing. For almost a decade, our company has held the largest market share for pasta in the world. When I was in school, if my name wasn’t at the very top of the exam board, I would cry for the next two days. He looks like my aunt Sharon who used to look really old, but had her face lifted up and now she looks surprised all the time. When you are waking up, going to school, attending parties, hanging out with your friends, I’m stuck here in this room with white walls, a white floor, and white ceiling. He’s mostly harmless beyond the thumping on the head thing. A boy named Conan Doyle. Shoot. From the moment we met dancing together at that festival a year ago, until the moment he surprised me on the beach, written in the sand, a proposal pulled straight from the movies. You want to know what I thought of last night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy? What a mistake that turned out to be! By: Abby S., Alberta, Canada, Age 14 Stuck like that forever. Gender: Female I am 13 years old and I live in this hospital. I watched my own mother fall to the ground. By: Thandie C., Age 12, USA So, I guess she figured if I was dead, she would be the fairest and prettiest of them all. He was being serious, that wasn’t a compliment! And after, you follow the river of job, money, family, mistakes, money, good stories, retirement money, money and then some more money, then you have grandkids and die. I’ve been in there for days! Gender: Any Imagine walking down a dark alley-way lined with brick buildings, garbage and junk. (reporting excitedly) You are going to have 100,000 tons of ice in a week! Every single aspect of it. I screamed at him to stop and he looked at me with white hot rage. Description: A young girl tells her mother that she doesn’t want to be famous anymore. (resumes pacing, etc.) No late-night work, drunken moods, or angry fits could change you. By: Natalia Santos, Florida, USA, Age 13 I’m sorry did you just ask me why, because I’m heading to the beach to relax. I would get a job. But all she cares about is doing dumb science experiments, mostly tests on me! I don’t mean to eavesdrop on you, but the walls are so thin. By: Lyena Monis, Age 12, California, USA Mom, there’s something I need to tell you. I rushed to their room and saw him hovering over her, hitting her over and over. “Can I go to the nurse’s office?” I don’t know, can you? Description: She is a dreamer that has wishes. I hope my life will take a big twist, because at the pace it’s going, I’m going to end up like the crazy old lady across the street – with forty cats and zero husbands! By: Elise H., Age 13, New Jersey, USA But, two weeks ago Mrs. Rolanda, my English teacher, announced that we were all going to write original monologues. During the summer we rode our matching blue Schwinn bikes everywhere and we’d try to hold hands while riding. I made that mistake one day, and trust me, I will not repeat that. Look, I didn’t mean to trespass. Do I feel bad about what I do for a living, no. It’s out there and now you have to give it to him and so you do. Description: A student panics while taking a test. My magnificent, shining sources of love. I see you’re all excited about being Santa’s new favorite reindeer, but never forget where you came from. Shawn, stop trying to light Cindy’s hair on fire! Something about artistic license. This is not who I am. I have more chores than any of my other friends. She keeps talking on and on and on! Oh, I’m an hour early? Let me tell ya, big mistake. Really different. Oh, sweetie, no, HE’S the dramatic one. Seven days of playing with whatever I wanted and eating cookies and milk for every meal…now that’s a vacation! I mean, I’m not in art school or something, right?! Do you not catch the tiny clamour, No, it’s wrong. So… just to recap, I, Persephone the Goddess of Spring, married my Uncle Hades, the God of the Underworld. As he merrily plies his trade.”. No! He knows I’m here. and so I ignored it. Description: A teen tells her diary about her worst day yet. He sat me down on the couch. That’s why I’m here. She may or may not be missing one. He told me about this place and, despite the stupid name, it sounded kinda cool. Why is she shuffling through the papers so fast? My sister is my very best friend. (nods) Yeah, I sure hope so. Hard to hear ain’t it. Turns out because of that little scuffle he started to verbally abuse George, but she still wouldn’t leave him. The turkey was great. Then I had four cookies at lunch. But as everyone says it’s all okay because I can still throw on a smile, and the one thing that makes this all go away are the drugs. I understand that I am interviewing you for the accountant position here. unachievable. I will take great care of your kids. Today has been the absolute worst day of my entire life and it’s only 1 pm. He was trying to kill me, I swear! That was definitely a costly mistake. No one messes with you there. Be an artist. I think it’s mine. I was just minding my own business. My door has a knob instead of a handle! So, Dr. Broomfield is gone, huh? I saw her on the edge of her balcony. (pause as Samantha reenters) Okay, so I lost another one. Maybe we can come up with a compromise. Ya have da right to dig for me treasure. (panic) Uh…or …or…build a huge ice-slide and rent out sleds and skis! It all stops making sense after a while. He taped you to the back of his car because his tail-light was out. Genre: Comedic Done. By: Justin Kyzar, Mississippi, USA, Age 15 It’s kinda’ creepy… I can’t even re-freeze without being sure she’s not looking. If I eat that pizza, I will have eaten more than 2000 calories. For me. Is this what college is really like? I’m probably just one rotten burger away from getting cholera or salmonella. As my entire body becomes numb all I am able to process is the never-ending question of why. And I was always the one to clean up the mess. Description: A wife tells her husband about a stray cat she’s taken in. Well, y’know what? Get home, shower, lay in bed. Genre: Dramatic Okay God, take me know. I grabbed my lunch, and my dad yelled goodbye and just like always, he says, “Don’t do anything stupid.” It’s like my old man’s motto, and normally, I don’t listen. They just see innocent brown eyes and a slim figure. Not feeling comfortable in my own skin. That’s why… that’s why… I-I-I already told you. (Clears throat. MAMA! For commercial rights and other inquiries, please contact us. It I was desperate to be accepted by either group. Collected Stories. (practically throws phone) Leslie? Sure, I could get a job and rent a dumpy little apartment, but what would be the fun in that? I’m sure that he has gotten the hundreds of letters that I sent. no, no. Please note that the majority of these monologue Are you joking? Got arrested again and it was rinse and repeat with juvey. Ha! Favorites much? You pushed me to be brave and to stand up for myself, and through it all, you were there. Kimoto is back at the wall it is … caught he robs the home run!” Everyone goes crazy. Ye humans are bleedin’ thick! I went up to the counter to pay. You gotta admit, I do it well. No surprise for the writer, no I’m starting to regret bringing him on this mission, because that was the only pillow NASA packed for me. By: Annika G., Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Age 14 Love is like getting a puppy. Ok you know, that hurts. What?! Gender: Any This is me. Well, I can’t stay long. Look, I know my parents gave you the rundown of my whole life story or whatever. By: Sarah M., Lynden, Ontario, Canada, Age 13 This is the biggest day of my life and I’ve been talking about fo- for- FOR LIKE FOREVER, or at least since I was able to talk and watch TV. (looks around then talks into the phone while running offstage) Oh my God, I’m in the library! Stop it, MOM, you can’t call me at work anymore. Why can’t people talk to me and get to know me instead of talk about me and make up stories. He would smash them on the counter and curse at her. The pitch…the crack of the bat the stadium goes silent he dives out and catches it! I’ll never get married, or have children, or finish my snake skin collection or fulfill my life-long dream of being a fortune-cookie writer. (sigh) You’re very pretty. It was a special pleasure to see things eaten, to see things blackened and changed. I want to breakup with you. Fine. No, you don’t understand. It was supposed to be a secret. They don’t see the scales and claws that they show me. The cable is going to snap and I’m going to fall hundreds of stories. Genre: Comedic I think I’m going to have a heart attack. I will not hesitate to take it! My dad was a phony and a liar and I hated him. You want to scream, “What is wrong with you? Or when the lights are out and someone yells for your name, and you’re black, and everyone is like ‘where did you go’, ‘it so dark I can’t see you’. Genre: Dramatic NO. Buh-bye. But like don’t make it too expensive because my mom’s gonna make ME pay for it and I don’t have that kind of money. What do I have to eat or drink. Gender: Female thank you. My heart’s pounding through my chest. I saw George’s horrified expression as I was falling. Genre: Dramatic For the first time, I feel like there is going to be a good change in our lives. I have dignity and poise. And then, I spent fifty years wishing I had had the courage to say no. No. Marcelo Bielsa launches an incredible 41-MINUTE monologue to explain why Leeds were superior to Manchester United (even though they lost 6-2!) Why?! I raced down to the basement and huddled with my sister. No. And it’s weird, because it’s not like it hurts to say that. ‘Oh, he’s just a boy!’ and he replied with, ‘hmph she’s just a girl.’ I liked him because he wasn’t scared of me. I can’t stop thinking about Sadako, how she spent her last few week folding all those cranes. Nabo: the Black Man Who Made the Angels Wait, Someone Has Been Disarranging These Roses, The Incredible and Sad Tale of Innocent Erendira and Her Heartless Grandmother, No One Writes to the Colonel and Other Stories. Life…we take it for granted, don’t we? Every day is the same. Ah! Or… would you go forward and take the unknown future and be whisked away to a place where everything could be totally new… like a fresh start? By Tuesday, the family has lost track of time, meals, and any sense of connection to the outside world. By: Amelia M., Age 12, Ohio, USA That’s right, I married my Uncle. (Pause.) Man, I knew this would happen, you think I’m going insane aren’t you? Dorothy and I had too much knowledge. Böll, Heinrich, 1917-1985–Translations into English. Gender: Any No, mom. She literally loved it to death. I know it may be a shock to some of you and others might have guessed it but yeah. Handsome guy gets the girls and all that … and by the way she was actually called Sandra, not Jasmine, and she was no oil painting, let me tell you. My daily routine. I tell her about what’s going to happen in her future, and I tell her that I miss the past. Yeah, I’m in high school. There’s a small gas leak in the spaceship’s cooling system, which makes a high-pitched squeaking noise. A traumatized cow appears in the courtyard, stuck in the mud and confused. I might just read a little bit more. I’d better turn in my paper. I’d watch all those beautiful brides walk down the aisle, looking so beautiful in their elegant gowns, hair done so perfectly, holding the loveliest flowers just below their glowing faces, bursting with joy, faces decorated with the biggest smiles, bright as jewelry, every one of them feeling like they’re the only girl in the whole world. Genre: Comedic I should have been there for you. Or in the water, swimming my heart out. I will truly miss the mornings waking up beside her. You don’t know the elope I have with mother nature each time I discover a new piece of her rich beauty in the unimaginable acres she has to unfold just for me. My nightmare has come true. People are amazed that I remember so much about my mother, because the cancer took her when I was only five. It was the best Thanksgiving yet, Grammy. My mama needs a stair lift so she can get downstairs to the beer fridge; she hasn’t taken her pills dry since her twenties! I’ve got a date. Girl, I was ready to go to jail (laugh) I swear the craziest things always happen to me. Okay back to the story. Have I reached the pandemic response team? What am I doing tomorrow? I work in an unsanitary kitchen as a cook. You need to pay me now! Gender: Any Genre: Dramatic There was a certain kindness in his expression that made me feel safe despite everything going on around us. That’s my dog. and now I sound totally pretentious. I just can’t stay awake in your class…yes, I think biology is interesting, especially DNA. A torrential jungle rain causes flooding. I’m trapped in here! Don’t you dare throw that chair out the window! Alright. (Pause.) She stretched out her arms, and my arms barely made it through the mirror surface, but my mom pulled me out! Never have been. Description: A teen prepares nervously for a college interview. Am I not pretty?” That’s when a “you look nice” seems to matter the most. Think. I could be playing Marco Polo with my sister in the evening, still doused in chlorine from the day’s practice. Description: A snobby fencing instructor gets a comeuppance. Mostly, I want wings so that I could take flight. Third Place Winner! Sarge even came down to visit with me. Listeners—of which, there aren’t any—and I don’t mean to start off on such a low note, but I’m gonna go insane if I have to be stuck with myself for another two months. I would go to my mom and ask what was wrong she would say it was “Nothing sweetie, don’t worry about it.” But of course that wasn’t true. No, we’re elves, and we have rights! Fun. Can you believe it? Hello, and welcome to Fencing 101. Agh! I can’t make sense of it. To live, to exist and to be alive. COLLECTED STORIES Translated from the Spanish by Gregory Rabassa and J. S. Bernstein Contents EYES OF A BLUE DOG The Third Resignation The Other Side of Death Eva Is Inside Her Cat Bitterness for Three Sleepwalkers Dialogue with the Mirror Eyes of a Blue Dog The Woman Who Came at Six O’Clock Nabo Someone Has Been Disarranging These Roses She got calls like this often even as far back as third grade. Get your act together! I know. Genre: Dramatic, (Actor is holding a bouquet and standing as if facing a groom in a wedding ceremony. Description: A college student shares a lesson in empathy with her friend. “Collected Stories” is a more modest, tightly focused play than either of those works, but it also digs into its engaging tale of aesthetics and ethics with intelligence and sharp, literate humor. It’s a no-doubt home run and it’s coming right for me, and I caught it! Too much trouble. When I was young, I had this dream about how my life would be, my ideal perfect life, two kids, a husband, a house. A vampire. I mean, what am I going to do 20 years down the line when I’m applying for a job at the American Institute of Chemical Engineers and they say “ Lucia Anderson Maquel, you are completely qualified for this job, but we can’t hire you until you answer this one question correctly.” Do you know what the question is going to be? Mama always said avoid the political talk. No one understands the daily struggles of being short. Actually, in grade six I was voted most likely to end up working at Walmart, so who cares about skills when the people have spoken! Well now you know. I’m the only one who knows the formula. Before you say no, just hear me out! The monologues MAY be performed by children and teens in educational, competition and audition settings without requesting permission. (picks up phone) Hello Mr. Sanchez? Cause, I’m pretty sure I just told you how I feel. When we heard gunshots, and screaming ringing through the halls, we knew it was real. His wife was in an accident and he had to rush to the hospital. I was scared to take on such a big role. That’s Julian Wynn, and he has really bad allergies. No wonder people don’t use Exclamation Points very often. Okay, bye. Leslie? (Holding back tears.) I had a note, but couldn’t think of anyone to give it to. Why I became such a slack off. I used to always yap and moan about her Earth, Wind and Fire, but that’s just what girls do to their mothers. By: Jessica G., Age 16, Calgary, Alberta And as if all of this wasn’t enough, there’s one last cherry on top. I guess I might as well tell you that that’s when cheating began. Happiness, that ends up dead on the side of the road. But she’s great. By: Derek Olsen, Age 11, Iowa, USA Most of the time you can’t tell. If you want to ask if it’s a phase or a fad. Okay, I’ll try to stay calm and explain. Because evidently with any of the three you can and will eventually go into the sea of death.